Thursday, September 28, 2006

Mr Gay UK 2006, Grand Final got an e-mail from a reader this afternoon about Mr Gay UK 2006. This year's Grand Final is in Blackpool tomorrow (Friday 29th September), and the reader has a mate who's one of the finalists. He told me that if his mate wins the contest, he hopes to use the platform to mount a fund-raising effort for HIV charities, which sounds very worthy :-). Apparently this guy is a climbing instructor, so it sounds like the plan would be some kind of sponsored climbing event. But he needs to win obviously, so why not give this guy your support? This involves sending a simple txt msg, see his gaydar profile for details. I figured that if a guy like this has got a friend who's keen enough to bother to e-mail people like me who he doesn't even know, on the slim chance that I'd support him, then he probably does deserve some support. So good luck mate, you've got my vote!

Update 1-Oct-2006: I e-mailed the reader who asked me to support his mate and it turns out that this guy didn't win. In the reader's own words:
I spoke to him briefly today, and he didn't get it. Apparently a pumped up policeman with too much fake tan won. Not that he's bitter! (he is wry though.)
Never mind, and thanks to any other readers who voted for him :-).

Postings by category

Having spent time switching to the new beta blogger software, I thought I should get some benefit from the new Labels feature, so I've spent a few happy hours categorising all my previous postings by adding labels to them. I think the categories I've come up with work reasonably well because it usually seemed obvious to me which label to apply to a particular post. Just a few posts have been put in more than one category. In order of descending frequency, the categories I'm using are:
  • Encounters: Currently 112 postings. These are all the stories about hooking up with other guys for activities. A few of these postings relate to failed hook-ups, and there's also the 4 postings about getting to know The Man From Fridae. But hook-ups which occurred in the gym are listed in the Gym category.

  • Gay Life: Currently 49 postings. General comments, a few stories, basically anything that relates to my life as a gay man that doesn't fit into any of the other categories.

  • Boyfriends: Currently 48 postings. Anything which relates to boyfriend number 1, boyfriend number 2, or boyfriend number 3 is in this category. Early hook-ups with boyfriend number 2 and boyfriend number 3 also carry the Encounters label.

  • Gym: Currently 38 postings. Last summer the sauna in the men's changing room at the gym I go to was closed, but before then, hook-ups in the sauna were quite common :-). This category describes all that activity, and other stuff that happens in gyms when gay men are around.

  • Blogs and Internet: Currently 36 postings. Things that relate to this blog, meme's, and general stuff about gay life online.

  • Business trips: Currently 25 postings. Things I've done while on business trips abroad. Currently, all but one of these postings are also in either the Encounters or the Boyfriends category.

  • Holidays: Currently 20 postings. Anything that relates to going on holiday out of London.

  • Interviews: Currently 14 postings. I've interviewed 11 other bloggers via blog, 3 of whom have also interviewed me. All interviewees were other gay men, apart from one teenage girl called Saf, so this is the category for all the interviews.

  • GB's favourites: Currently 11 postings. I know it's a bit self-indulgent to have my own favourites, but I do so here they are. Most are stories that I found particularly amusing at the time, but I've also included my first ever posting because I did it very quickly and looking back on it now I think it was pretty good for a novice blogger! All of these postings are in at least one other category.

  • Infidelity: Currently 8 postings. I don't believe in monogamy and these are the postings that relate to that subject, and where I expand on my views.

  • Gay Info: Currently 6 postings. Some highly opinionated views of mine, mainly about how to pick up men offline as well as online. If anyone disagrees with any of my views, feel free to leave comments on the relevant posts.

  • Misc: Currently 3 postings. Although most things fit into the above categories, I ended up with 3 postings that just didn't fit anywhere else, so here they are.
I know it's a bit cheap writing about what I've previously posted, but after 283 regular postings I hope you can excuse me. If anyone has any suggestions for improvements, please let me know.

Sunday, September 24, 2006


I always enjoy August. It's the height of summer after all. Who doesn't enjoy watching guys wandering around the streets of London without their shirts on? I also had a week in Europe with boyfriend number 1, which was wonderfully relaxing even though I didn't make much progress with my intended holiday reading. That, plus a trip to the Edinburgh festival, and there wasn't much time for activities.

Actually, the low level of activity probably had more to do with the fact that I started worrying about sexual addiction. So I had a genuine break from gaydar and the other online cruising web sites.

But right at the start of August there was one thing that I did which I hadn't done for perhaps five years or more. I had provisionally agreed to visit the Greek guy again, before work. Getting up early, I send him a txt msg to confirm, but a response doesn't arrive so I end up going to the gym instead.

Having been ready for an early morning session, I find myself feeling frustrated all day. Just like an occasion at the start of the previous month, I consider spanking the monkey in a cubicle in the men's toilets, but suddenly I have a better idea. I decide to visit Chariots, which is probably the biggest and best known gay sauna in London.

I've never been a regular visitor on the sauna scene, but for variety's sake I should probably visit more regularly than once every 5 years. Leaving the bank at the usual time, I grab a cab and soon I'm paying my £14 entry fee. Last time I was here I think it was only £12. It was interesting to see how the place had changed. Not much in fact, but I did spot one or two things.

Chariots ShoreditchOriginally, perhaps in an attempt to give itself a less cruisey image, there was a pleasant lounge area on the top floor. It was quite a light area, and the big TV screen at one end of the room just showed ordinary television channels, i.e. not pornography. It's not there any more. Instead, it's become one of the darkest areas in the whole complex, with various rooms partitioned off. All the windows have been blacked out, and all the partitions are painted black too. There's still a TV screen in the main room in this new area, but it's permanently showing hard core porn. And on both sides of this TV screen there are raised, comfy, padded areas to lie down, so that all the guys can lie next to each other and wank each other off while watching the porn. Nice one!

The poolside bar has gone too. Actually that doesn't surprise me because there never seemed to be many people buying anything there. It wasn't really needed ever since the ground floor cafe area was incorporated into the main cruising complex. And it's much more practical to have the cafe, where one has to spend money, right next to the lockers where one has left one's wallet.

The gym is still there on the ground floor, even though it doesn't seem to get much use. And there are more lockers too. I've never visited at a peak time (e.g. Sunday afternoon), but if even half the number of lockers they have are in use at the same time it would be a very very busy place indeed.

Anyway, I enjoyed my visit. In fact it was an exceptionally satisfying visit. As I was leaving I felt really good, and wandering through the locker room my satisfaction must have been evident somehow because a guy who was just arriving turned and looked at me in amazement.

After that, on the second Sunday in August I did end up hooking up with the Greek guy again. But apart from that, there were no other activities in August. Will my chastity last? I already know the answer to that of course!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Fun with a fit Greek adonis

Back in June, I'm chatting to a young guy on gaydar who lives about a fifteen minute cab ride away. But soon into the conversation, I’m not so sure about him

GB: so what you looking for today m8
guy: attention from an older, generous guy :-)
guy: it could be you lol

Hmmm, generous sounds ominous, I guess my athletic gym-toned body isn’t enough for him! He looks quite cute in his photos but if he’s looking for a sugar-daddy, or at least someone to pay him for fun, then I’m definitely not interested. I paid the kinky English guy a tenner of course, but I have no intention of making a habit of paying for it.

A month or so later, it’s mid-afternoon on the last Sunday in July and I’m on gaydar again. I advertise my presence on the open channel, saying something bland like ‘horny guy looking for fun in central London’ and within a minute someone contacts me.

guy: how about me?

Hmmm interesting, it’s the same young guy that I’d been chatting to back in June. But does he remember talking to me the previous month? And if so, is he still after a generous guy?

GB: nice pics m8, what kinda fun u after today?

We chat about the potential activities, and he also confirms the information he told me last time, about where he lives. The generous word doesn’t crop up. So I decide to risk hooking up with him. After all, he still looks cute in his photos!

Within half an hour or so, I’m outside his flat, phoning him up to find out how to get inside.

“Hi this is GB”, I say, “I’m outside. How do I get in?”

There’s a keypad which looks like it can be used for entering a pass code to open the door, but it’s not obvious how to use it to call up to any of the flats.

“OK great, I’ll come down and let you in.”

He takes his time coming down but soon the door opens and there’s a lovely looking guy smiling at me.

“Come in then :-)”

Face to face he’s got gorgeous dark eyes, lovely thick long black hair, and a beautiful olive complexion.

“Where are you from?” I ask as we’re climbing the stairs.

“I was born in Greece actually”, he says, “but my mother was east European”.

Presumably his father was Greek then, but whatever the nationality of the father, the combination seems to work just fine!

His flat turns out to be a single room, quite small but comfortable enough. As soon as I enter I take my top off. He looks me up and down, still smiling, so I walk over to him and lift his t-shirt off over his head.

“You don’t waste any time do you mate?”, he says grinning mischievously at me with wide piercing eyes. I give him a peck on the lips.

“I love undressing other guys”, I say grinning back, “hope you don’t mind?”

He doesn’t put up any resistance as I cup my hand over his bulge, before loosening the belt on his trousers. It feels like there’s something inside that needs to be released! But before going any further, I sit on the side of the bed to take my shoes and socks off. Instinctively, he does the same.

Soon we've shed our trousers too and I'm rubbing my hand over his naked upper torso, before moving downstairs to feel under the waistband of his undershorts.

“Mmmmmm, you’ve done this before haven’t you!” he jokes. Yes mate, just once or twice!

Groping about inside his undershorts I can’t feel any pubic hair, so I pull down his undershorts to get a better look.

“You’re all shaved!” I say surprised.

“Uh-huh”, he says lazily, “I just prefer it that way”.

None the less, in the middle of his pubic desert there’s a very impressive edifice that clearly needs some attention! We have a lovely time together.

“That was just what I needed before my run”, he says afterwards.

“You go running?” I ask him. “So do I! Actually I went for a 10k along the river this morning with some guys from the gym I go to. How far do you go?”

“I like to go further than that. I’ll sometimes go for three hours, stopping for a couple of five minute breaks. I also try and get down the gym a few times a week too!”

I can certainly believe it, he does look very fit.

“So do you meet many guys from gaydar”, I ask.

"Not many actually”, he says, looking serious now. “There are a lot of wankers on gaydar. I don't waste peoples time, so I don’t like it when people they waste my time."

While we’re chatting I drink my customary glass of water, but soon it’s time to head home. Although he’s got very friendly eyes which hold your gaze for ages, in some ways he seems a bit cold. Even so, he’s a lovely fit guy so I’ll probably try and see him again :-)!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

A mildly entertaining distraction

London Open HouseFor several years now, on the third weekend in September, boyfriend number 1 and myself have taken to walking round the streets of London. No, not to sell our bodies, and certainly not to pick up rent, but for London Open House.

Although the charity that runs London Open House organises things all year round, the main event always seems to be on the third weekend in September. And on this weekend, literally hundreds of buildings in London which are normally closed to the public open their doors to anyone who's interested to see inside. Some of them are only open for a few hours, some are only open if you pre-book in advance, some are open both Saturday and Sunday, and some provide tours. It's all completely free too.

My favourite from a couple of years ago was visiting the Freemason's hall. The hall itself is amazing, and there's a fascinating museum about freemasonry too. This year's favourite (so far) was visiting the Marx Memorial Library. Wolfie, Citizen Smith The thing that made this special was the tour from one of the guys who worked there. He was informative and exceptionally entertaining, and was clearly an ardent supporter of the socialist movement himself. Lenin himself worked in the building for a couple of years at the start of the 20th century, but to quote our guide, "each generation re-invents radicalism in its own way". The guide also looked a bit like Wolfie from the old British situation comedy Citizen Smith, which seemed highly appropriate.

So if anyone reading this within the next 18 hours or so finds themselves at a loose end in London, go find a building or two to visit. Or if, like me, you enjoy taking a peek inside areas that you're not normally allowed to see, make plans to be in London for Open House weekend one year. It makes a change from cruising anyway!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Gay dating and cruising web sites

I am amazed by how many gay dating and cruising web sites that there are these days. As far as I know was the first, because I can remember using it in the mid to late 1990's. I then started using gaydar, and more recently fridae, but I am now aware of many more. On top of the dating/cruising web sites, there are all the gay porn web sites too of course, and there are hundreds if not thousands of those. How come they can all thrive?

I've compiled a list of the sites that I am aware of. Apart from the three mentioned above, and in no particular order, there's:

  • In its own words, is an umbrella site with many different domains. As a member of you are also able to view profiles and send messages to members of many other sites that are all part of the World of One membership, many opportunities!
    I originally founds this at the site, but I'm also aware of a few other domains such as,,,,,,,, and no doubt there are others. At one point a year or so ago they tried to start charging for their services, but within a month they'd sent out an e-mail reversing that decision. In the past I've exchanged a few messages with guys on this site but nothing ever came to anything. When I last looked, there were over 23,000 registered users in the UK.

  • This site seems to focus more on friendships and relationships rather than cruising. One of my old friends found their partner on that web site so I know it's got a significant user base.

  • This site advertises itself as "A place for SCALLY LADS and their admirers". Out of curiosity I signed up last year and received my registration email from Joe and David with the e-mail address But before I'd even tried to contact anyone, someone rated me at only 1/10. Ah well, I don't pretend to be a scally lad! Their web site now claims to have the profiles of over 127,000 lads.

  • This site claims to offer "gay dating, gay chat, gay travel, gay accommodation & gay work". A guy I was chatting to on gaydar a few months ago pointed me to this web site to see his face pics. Apart from that, I don't really know anything about it, but it looks comprehensive.

  • As far as I'm aware, this is the original web site that first tried to list all the cruising areas and sex clubs worldwide. Given that it now boasts 10 years online, that's probably true. I've mentioned this site before when writing about how to find fun in London, and I've always thought that it's worth checking this site out when planning trips away. The site now has chat facilities, a message board, personals, and lots of porn links too, although I've never used any of these features.

  • This site advertises itself as "your neighborhood cruising guide". Why can't Americans spell neighbourhood correctly? Anyway, it looks quite good for listing cruisy bars, saunas, sex clubs and so on. It's also got message boards, and an online messaging system, so it's similar to Messages from the administrator arrive from

  • One of my readers told me about this site recently. It advertises "a unique social network for dating work and travel", and seems to have a big user base.

  • I got an invite to sign up to this web site recently at an e-mail address I hardly ever use so I'm not sure about this site. It advertises itself as "the most advanced gay community available today, enabling you to interact with people from afar or on your doorstep". It currently offers Free Video Profiles, Free Distance Searches, Free Unlimited Messages, so it sounds like it's in startup mode because its offering all its services for free.

  • gaynatter: This web site contacted me for a reciprocal link when it was starting out, but subsequently has evolved into another dating/cruising web site. I don't know how many users they have.

Where did all these sites come from? I'd have thought that entering this business after other web sites have established themselves would be very difficult, because everyone wants a big user base to date or cruise, so it shouldn't make sense to waste time on a new site without many users. Anyway, if anyone has any views on any of these sites I'd be very interested to hear.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

A bit of fun before work on a Friday morning

July was quite a busy month. So busy in fact, that there was one encounter that I completely forgot about until last week. I'm in a cab one afternoon, on my way to visit a client, when it suddenly hits me, "I don't remember blogging about the guy with the tight foreskin"! And indeed, when I checked, the only records I had were a couple of details that I'd put into my PDA at the time. It happened on the Friday after I met the local guy again, a few days before my visit to boyfriend number 3.

The unusual thing was, we first got chatting on the open channel in one of the gaydar chat rooms. The open channel can be quite amusing. It's a simultaneous mixture of people advertising their availability for activities, other people chatting about rude or often harmless subjects, and occasionally people asking for advice on where to find different aspects of gay life in the chat room's designated area. It went something like this (although I've changed the names):

cockboi25: i cudnt go partying all night and then work
allbarnone: W11 and looking for a horny top now, can accommodate, private me
cockboi25: i would be sick
partyanimal: i am sick by default
hornyfunnow: central london now
cockboi25: we know
cockboi25: we are just humouring u
partyanimal: so a bit of beer smell in da morning
partyanimal: gets ma boss right
partyanimal: lol
GB: anyone up for prework fun
allbarnone: W11 and looking for a horny top now, can accommodate, private me
cockboi25: uuuuuurgh
cockboi25: stop
cockboi25: stop
hornyfunnow: hey GB u look hot, anytime ...
orgyboysnw3: SEXPARTY Saturday Hampstead for hot fits guys 20-40. pls msg4details
partyanimal: lol
cockboi25: that makes me sick too
partyanimal: :-)
cockboi25: theres an old guy at work
cockboi25: always stinks of booze
cockboi25: in the morning
cockboi25: and hes our first aider
GB: u2 hornyfun, perhaps I cud visit u on way to work?
partyanimal: or a good wank in the morning and no shower after
partyanimal: *drinks more biter lemon*
allbarnone: W11 and looking for a horny top now, can accommodate, private me
hornyfunnow: but i wud make u late for work
hornyfunnow: lol
GB: lol
newboionblock: anyone up for a drink tonight?

At that point I decided to open a private chat window with this guy. In the end, the negotiations are relatively simple, and within 45 minutes I'm knocking on his door. We get down to business relatively quickly, but when I'm examining his cock he's got one of the tightest foreskins I've ever seen.

"Does this go back", I ask, tugging relatively gently.

"Errr, no, soz mate!" he replies apologetically.

"Perhaps you should get circumcised - I don't think I've ever seen one that tight!"

In fact he's a very young guy, so with most of his gay life in front of him, I'd guess that he'll have to get it cut at some point. In spite of the problem with his apparatus though, we have a pleasant enough session. As usual, we chat afterwards as I'm hurrying to get dressed again for work.

"Nice flat you've got here mate", I say casually. In fact it's very small, but it's hard for young guys to afford much more than this in central London.

"Thanks, but I think I'm about to move out."

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"I want to go travelling. My work experience job finished recently, so I think I'm just going to go before I change my mind."

"Where do you want to travel."

"East would be good. China? Japan perhaps?"

Sometimes I wish I was young enough to do that. Just decide to go travelling on my own and to hell with everything else. But at this stage in my life, it would be hard if I wanted to carry on with my banking career when I got back. I'd also miss boyfriend number 1, because a trip like that wouldn't suit him at all. And of course, I'd also miss all my other boyfriends too!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Fun and cuddles on a Saturday afternoon

It's lunchtime on the last Saturday in July. Having already been to the gym in the morning, I fix a snack lunch for myself and boyfriend number 1, and retire to the room I use as a kind of 'home office' to eat it. To while away the time, I decide to log into gaydar and to see who’s around.

I'm in the middle of a couple of conversations on gaydar when a guy contacts me on

guy: hello
GB: hi
guy: are u into Chinese guys with thick nice cock?

I guess that’s called the direct approach! There are good things and bad things about guys like this. Getting right down to basics early keeps the conversation focused, and avoids wasting time with guys who aren't interested. But when one is on the receiving end of this approach, the impression can be that the other guy is only after one thing! Now, when have I ever been interested in guys who just want me for my body?

GB: yes def, I luv Asian guys
guy: I am slim smooth n very sexy body
GB: :-)
GB: r u in london?

It turns out that the guy is quite a long way away, on the opposite side of town in fact. Even for a nice guy with all the attributes that he claims, I’d usually lose interest at this point, but in fact I need to go to buy a couple of things in central London today. So if I can combine my shopping trip with a visit to meet this guy it might make sense. We exchange pics and as far as I can tell, he’s everything he claims to be.

GB: I think u look great :-)
guy: :-)
GB: I luv asian guys like you :-))
guy: u look very nice too
GB: :-)
guy: what do u like doing in bed?

Another direct question! So we discuss what’s on the menu. In spite of the direct approach, gradually I start to get a good feeling about this guy.

guy: do u like kissing?
GB: yes I love kissing and cuddling
guy: same here
GB: great. Kiss, cuddle, *fun*, cuddle afterwards :-))
guy: are u genuine?
GB: yes of course

To prove that I’m genuine, I give him my mobile phone number and ask for his, which he’s happy to give me. I then send him a txt msg to check that I’ve got his number down right.

guy: thanx for text
guy: how recent is your pic?
guy: mine is about 8 months now
GB: pic last year - I have a more recent one, shall I send first?
guy: please
GB: ok, hang on
guy: but I have not any more pic cos I am not out
GB: no probs

I’m not sure why not being ‘out’ has anything to do with not having any more pics but I send him a more recent pic of me anyway.

guy: u look very sexy in your shorts :-)
GB: I'm actually wearing those shorts at the moment!
guy: ok lets meet or else we been here chatting all day
GB: True!!
GB: can you give me the exact address and I'll set off

But he doesn’t want to tell me yet. He’s given me the area, the road name, the full postcode, but he doesn’t want to tell me the house number! None the less, I feel that it won’t be a wasted journey. His recent line about "…or else we been here chatting all day" has a very genuine feel it, and in any case he was happy to give me his mobile phone number. As long as it really is his phone number?

GB: ok, I'll phone you in 5 minutes or so, when I'm walking to the tube station this end!
guy: ok
GB: talk to you soon x
guy: xxx

The two original gaydar conversations which I’d been having when this guy first contacted me hadn’t gone anywhere, so everything had worked out well. Putting my dirty plate from the snack lunch in the dishwasher on my way out, I tell boyfriend number 1 that I’m going to do some shopping in central London and head off. But with the prospect of a bit of fun, the shopping can wait, I’ll visit the guy first!

"Hi this is GB", I say, phoning the guy as I’m walking towards my local tube station.

"Hi", he says, although he sounds a bit awkward. But this is the first time we've actually spoken, so it's a natural reaction.

"I’m going to come and visit you now, if you're still on for it?"

"OK, how long do you think you will be?"

"Probably about 45 minutes, maybe less, is that OK?"

"Yes, I’ll wait for you."

With a couple of delays on the tube it takes the full 45 minutes to reach him. As I'm leaving the tube I get a txt msg from him with some detailed instructions on how find him, although still no house number. None the less, the good feelings that I was getting about this guy when chatting to him on are growing, it definitely feels like it's going to have been a worthwhile journey.

As I'm getting close to the road he lives in, I phone him again:

"Hi, I'm almost there", I say, "what house number are you?"

"Let me come out into the street", he replies, "see you in a sec".

And indeed, as I turn the corner into the short, leafy suburban street, I can see the guy waving at me from his front door.

"Come in", he says once I reach him, "but can you leave your shoes in the porch here?"

I duly oblige and follow him into the house. He's got a lovely cute smile, and even though he said his photo was 8 months old, it’s still a good likeness. The only noticeable difference is that he didn’t have his glasses on in the photo. Actually I always enjoy getting the kit off guys who wears glasses, because glasses somehow lend an air of respectability which makes activities seem taboo and hence more exciting!

"I'm looking after the house at the moment for a cousin, so we've got the place to ourselves :-). Can I get you a drink of anything?"

"Yes, a glass of water would be great".

He fetches me a glass of water and we head upstairs to one of the bedrooms. Laying his glasses on the bedside table, he strips down to his undershorts while I do the same. It’s another hot day of course and so before climbing onto the bed, he turns on a big fan to make it more comfortable.

“Are you in a hurry?” he asks anxiously.

“Not at all”, I say, climbing onto the bed to join him. “Let’s take it slowly eh?” and I lean forward to kiss him.

Gradually we get more involved with each other, and soon we’re both naked. It turns out that he likes having his nipples pinched or bitten very hard. Indeed his nipples are very pronounced, no doubt as a result of all the attention that they’ve received in the past. Surely that hurts him, I find myself worrying. I enjoy mild nipple play, but I’ve never seen the attraction of being hurt!

“Talk dirty to me”, he says at the finale, and soon afterwards we’re cuddling up on the bed together.

Being with him is somehow very comfortable. It’s as though we’ve known each other for ages, even though we only made contact for the first time a couple of hours ago. We end up dozing together for about 20 minutes or more, with him lying peacefully in my arms. I wake up first, and slowly run my hands up and down his naked body, just to enjoy the situation.

“Hmmm”, I whisper to him, “that’s not completely flaccid!”

“Errr what?” he says waking up, “well what do you expect when I’m lying in the arms of a nice man like you!”

Soon it’s definitely not flaccid at all, and indeed, it turns into a double cum session!

“Oh dear, look at the time”, he says afterwards. “Are you going back into town?”

“Yes, I’ve got some shopping to do.”

“Me too”, he says, “lets take the tube together. There’s quite a bit that I meant to try and get done today and if we don’t leave soon I’ll have no chance!”

While he’s getting ready to leave, I grab another glass of water from the kitchen. On the journey, we chat to each other quite a bit.

“So how come a nice guy like you doesn’t have a boyfriend?” I find myself asking.

“Well I’m not out to many people so it would be quite hard”, he replies, “and anyway, I’m very independent. Having a boyfriend would be far too much commitment!”

He’s a lovely guy, although in some ways he seems a bit cold. For example, he tells me that he always takes his holidays alone because he doesn’t like waiting around for other people too much. That’s opposite to me because I always prefer to have company on holiday! But it probably means he’s well suited to his job because he has to do a lot of travelling, all over the world in fact, and that definitely suits his independent nature.

“When can we meet again?” he asks, shortly before we go our separate ways.

“Soon I hope, although there’ll be a week in August when I’m on holiday so we’ll have to work around that.”

“Actually I’m away a bit too”, he admits, “but I’d like to see you again sometime :-)”.

“Yes definitely, me too!”

As he gets up to leave me on the crowded tube he gives me a peck on the lips. Lovely. In spite of what he says, he can’t be that closeted if he kisses men on their lips in public!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Terms of abuse?

It's a weekday lunchtime, late July. I'm dozing, cuddling up to boyfriend number 3 after an enjoyable (ableit sweaty) session, when he asks me a question

"You awake?" he says.

"Uh-huh", I reply, although the truth is that I'm probably half asleep.

"I heard a black guy call another black guy a nigger the other day".


"Well don't you think that's strange?" he says, really awake now.

"Why?" I say, trying to sound interested. Perhaps I'm going to have to get my brain into gear!

"Well, it's a term of abuse isn't it. Nigger? If you called a black guy a nigger he'd beat you up wouldn't he?"

"I guess so", I say. I do see what he's getting at now. Is nigger a term of abuse in a black to black situation though?

"Don't forget that Queer used to be a term of abuse for gays", I add, "and now there's even Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and Queer as Folk on TV!"

"Yeah I s'pose", says boyfriend number 3, "but what about Paki? I don't like being called a Paki, so I'd never call any of my Asian friends Paki either".

Although Boyfriend number 3 is British, he's ethnically Indian, so I can well imagine that he's been called a Paki at some point in his life.

"I always think its best to avoid being wound up by names", I reply sagely, "although I guess it's easier for me as a white guy. We're both gaijin in Japan of course! Can gaijin be a term of abuse?"


And having got all that off his mind, boyfriend number 3 is happy to cuddle up again :-).

A few days later I'm on gaydar when I spot a bio line in the chat system which boyfriend number 3 would probably be horrified to see:
I'm a cute paki lad who likes dirty white guys
So in spite of boyfriend number 3's reservations, it seems that these days 'paki' can be used harmlessly if the person using it is themselves a Pakistani.

Away from gaydar, Banana-Life who's ethnically Chinese happily calls himself a banana (yellow on the outside, white on the inside), even though wikipedia refers to it as an ethnic slur.

Delving further into the mighty wikipedia, it acknowledges the use of Nigger between black people since the 1980's, although in this context it spells it nigga. It says that it can sometimes be regarded as a synonym for accepted slang words such as dude and guy. None the less I think I'll avoid it. Even if lines like "What up, my niggaz?" are sometimes acceptable among blacks only, as a white guy I'm just going to get myself damaged if I try and use it!