Thursday, August 01, 2013

Might I be able to find a boyfriend via this blog?

When I got up this morning, I discovered that someone had left a comment on my most recent post which asks a very interesting question:

GB, now that you're single again, how do we start applying to be your boyfriend?

Ages ago I did a couple of posts (1, 2) about meeting up with people who find me through this blog. Those posts suggest that I almost never do that, mainly because if someone has read my blog, they know so much more about me than I know about them. However, the truth is that I wrote those posts quite a long time ago, and recently I've increasingly been ignoring them!

The original exception that I made was for guys that also have blogs, so that I'm able to level the playing field by reading their blog. But in fact, I've also now met a few guys who first got in contact with me when they sent me requests for advice that I answered in "Dear GB" posts.

Although I don't think it makes sense to "apply" to my boyfriend, asking to meet up to see whether there's any basis for a friendship *might* be all right. The reason for my caution is that the original problem still exists, namely that anyone who's read my blog has effectively read my private diary, so something needs to be done to make things more even.

Regarding the guys that I met who had originally sent me requests for advice, I got to know them as a result of extended email conversations over a period of many months or even years. But it strikes me that it doesn't need to take that long. For example, these days a lot of people have facebook timelines, and that is a kind of blog. People also have dating profiles on sites like e.g. gaydar and all the others, and those profiles also give a lot of information about people.

Anyway, in summary, I guess the answer to the question is that these days I am prepared to meet people that have found me through this blog :-). Start by sending me an email. However, if anyone does want to meet me, please have a good idea about what you're going to do so that I can find out a lot about you in advance of any meeting!


Anonymous said...

Don't you think it's kind if too soon for you to look for a boyfriend? Even if things between you and T have started deteriorating long before it actually crossed the point of no return, I think you should honour that 4 years that you guys have shared together. I can understand your casual hook-ups to fill in the void (you've obviously no problem with that based on your latest post) but isn't it way to soon to find a bed side replacement to T? Moreover, how can you be certain that the next guy that genuinely catches your attention wouldn't be a case of rebound on your part? He might look a little like T, act a little T, speak a little like T. That would be grossly unfair to him as an individual because you're just dating him for the wrong reasons. Hypothetically speaking, you could be clinging onto some kind of 'familiarity blanket' from the past.

I'm sorry that you and T didn't work out but I guess life is not always just black and white. I feel bad for T because dealing with his sexuality out in the open is clearly not his strength but we all have our own demons. I'm not implying that you should have stayed with him as we're all responsible for the decisions that we make. Nonetheless, as a guy who's most probably around T's age myself, I sympathise with him. Good or bad, 4 years is a considerable amount of time. It would upset me tremendously to see my ex talking about finding the next bf so candidly in the open within a week or two of the breakup.

Having said all that, I would like to make it clear that I'm not passing down a moral judgement on anyone. I'm sorry if you or your supporters are offended somehow. I've no idea what really happened between both of you and my arguments are purely based on presumptions derived from your blog postings. It just bothers me a little thinking about how fleetingly inconsequential relationships are these days.

GB said...

I mostly agree with you, recent anonymous commenter. I have no intention of giving anyone the *boyfriend* label in the near future. However, I also don't want to wallow in my sadness. Instead, I think it's much better for me to try and be social (and a bit cruisy too!) and to start meeting people. Then eventually, if and when the right guy comes along, after an appropriate period of time it might then be possible to agree with him that we should call ourselves boyfriends :-). I guess this post is just saying that I'm not ruling out the possibility of finding the right guy as a result of this blog.

GB xxx